Fear of Failure: How to Tell if You Suffer From it & What To Do

I took a writing class when I was in University. The teacher was wonderful, and she had us do tons of writing exercises every week. One week, she made us write the first draft of a story. By hand.

We had one hour, and the class wrote. And wrote. And wrote. Almost no one finished their story, because we were writing it by hand and there was no way to edit it. In the end, the teacher told us we were doing it wrong, because we tried to write our story perfectly. 

”This exercise isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about getting it done.

I knew then and there that was something I struggled with. I didn’t want to do anything less than perfect, scared that she would read my story and not like it, which to me, was the worst kind of failing.

The next lesson, she had us do the writing exercise again. This time, my handwriting was sloppy, my sentences weren’t perfect and I hated the dialogue in my story. But I finished it, and it felt great. It’s important to just finish it, you can always edit later was a lesson I learned that day.

Fear of failure is a very real reaction of your mind – it protects you from perceived threats, for the most part. It’s not wrong to fear failure on some cases, but when it dictates your life, it can definitely become a problem.

7 Signs You May Have Fear of Failure

Note: the following are not official diagnostics, but these characteristics are common in people that have an extreme fear of failure.

  • Failing makes you worry about what other people think of you
  • You compare your failures with the failures of other people
  • Failing makes you worry about how capable you are
  • You tell people beforehand that you don’t expect to succeed in something
  • You apologize beforehand just in case you fail
  • Once you fail at something, it’s difficult to imagine what you could have done to prevent the failure
  • you often get headaches, stomach aches, sweaty hands and other anxiety symptoms when you’re fearing a failure

I Have Fear of Failure, What Now?

The biggest problem people with fear of failure deal with is that the feeling is often unconscious. It’s not as simple as just shutting it off.

One of the most common moments to feel the fear of failure is when you’re doing something that’s outside your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is more than just a concept; pushing these boundaries trigger very real neuro-physiological reactions of the mind’s threat system. If you stay within these boundaries, you will feel safe, there will be no fear of failure. But if you’re brave and get outside of your comfort zone (where all the  magic happens) you will have to deal with that feeling – fearing failure often feels unsafe, uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing.

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How To Stop Shopping

How To Stop Shopping And Save Your Money: 7 Tips

When I first got into minimalism, I got rid of a lot of stuff. Then, I used that as a justification to buy new stuff.. Yeah, that’s not smart. I would definitely say that I used to be a bit of a shopping addict.

Minimalism isn’t only about living with less, it’s also about being an informed and conscious consumer, and being intentional with your time and money. But how does one go about doing that?

Do you need it?

This is a pretty straightforward question, but bear with me. I notice that sometimes when I’m out shopping, instead of asking myself do I need it, I start justifying the purchase for myself.

  • I deserve to treat myself
  • It’s a very cheap item
  • It’s on sale
  • I’m sad and I want to make myself happy by buying something
  • I can always return it

By stripping away all of these justifications and being completely honest with yourself, it becomes much easier to decide if this item you’re about to buy truly has a place in your life.

Reduce your exposure to anything that’s trying to sell you something

Unsubscribe from mailing lists! Seriously, it might take you 10 minutes in total, and it will absolutely change your life for the better. Personally, I also stopped watching haul videos on YouTube. Seeing other people buy a bunch of stuff didn’t help me when I was trying to not spend money.

But you might also be sensitive to people showing off their pretty homes, walk in closets or expensive vacations, it really depends on the person. I didn’t  actually unsubscribe from many YouTubers that do hauls or trigger me to buy stuff, I just choose not the click on specific videos in my subscription box.Read More »

Decluttering Your Closet Effectively: 5 Tips You Haven’t Heard Yet

You look at your closet every day without really seeing anything. You have the feeling that all of your good clothes are buried under your crappy ones, and that one top you’ve been looking for for over six months? It’s nowhere to be found.

As a chronic declutterer, I want to pass on my declutter-wisdom to all of you who are new to this magical phenomenon (I like using hyperbole, can you tell?) Here are five tips you haven’t heard yet (promise!), take note.

Start with the things you love

When you’re starting out, your closet can look overwhelming. Time to throw everything on the floor and only pick up the things that you love. The things that make you feel amazing, you wear a lot and you will not get rid of, even for a million dollars. Chances are you only have three to five of those pieces, if any. It’s important to note that once you’ve gone through your clothes and picked out the things that you love, you can’t go back later to add things to it. If you didn’t pick it up the first time or if you’re on the fence about it, you don’t love it enough.

Get creative with Pinterest

When was the last time you decluttered your closet? If the answer is never (it probably is) chances are you still have clothes that are almost ancient. You might love those clothes, but they don’t reflect your personal style anymore.

Here’s where Pinterest comes in. Make a separate board and pin pictures of outfits to it that really speak to you. Not just the shoes or the jacket, but the entire outfit. After pinning a bunch (it’s addictive) you will notice that there’s a certain style and certain colors you gravitate towards. You might like earthy tones, knee-length dresses or bomberjacks. Whatever it is, it’s important that pieces you decide to keep in your closet reflect the style you’re trying to achieve.

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11 Podcasts For Self-Help Junkies

I love podcasts. I love that I can listen to them while doing other things, like exercising, cleaning or doing the dishes. I love that I feel like I’m getting smarter while being productive at the same time. For a self-help junkie like me, it’s like a drug.

So naturally, I listen to a lot of different podcasts. Some I hate, some I like, some I love. Some I really want to share with you.

The Confidence Podcast

The Confidence Podcast is dedicated to loving the skin you’re in. Trish, the host of the podcast, believes that we cannot only become more confident, but also become better people in general by investing daily in our mind. She interviews tons of inspiring people to help you get motivated to get shit going!

Learn Out Loud

A classic self-improvement podcast, if you ask me. Learn Out Loud focuses on achieving goals, improving relationships and increasing creativity. The podcast also focuses on some well-known self-improvement techniques like the 4 hour work week and The Secret.

The Overwhelmed Brain

A podcast for people who are tired of being told to ”just think positively”. This podcast is for critical thinkers. It dives deep into lots of different subjects related to self-improvement and provides actionable advice. Bonus: there are a whoooole bunch of episodes.

Good Life Project

Unfiltered conversation about finding meaning, happiness and love in your life. From iconic world-shakers like Elizabeth Gilbert, Brene Brown, Sir Ken Robinson, Seth Godin and Gretchen Rubin to everyday people, every story matters. What I love about this radio show is that every episode is different, and the person being interviewed really sets a tone. A good podcast for people who get bored easily and want to move onto the next thing.Read More »

FRIDAY FAVORITES #2

Happy Friday, friends! I’m constantly finding new content and falling down rabbit holes and every Friday I share my weekly favorites with you here on the blog. Let’s check out some hidden gems. 🙂

Favorite Song

‘What If I Kissed You’ by Temecula Road was played a lot in my ‘favorites’ playlist on Spotify this week. This song was recommended to me in my Discover Weekly and I was quite disappointed to see the band didn’t have more music out. I will definitely keep an eye on them and hopefully they will release more soon! 🙂

 

Favorite Food

hertog jan drie chocolde

At this point I’m liking Hertog Jan ice cream more than Ben & Jerry’s & it’s cheaper too! This kind has three types of chocolate (white, milk and dark) and I’m loving every moment of it.

 

Favorite Find

The Hollywood & Crime podcast first got my attention a few weeks ago when I was trying to find new True Crime podcasts. What I love about this particular podcast is that they tell the story not only through narration, but also through amazing voice actors. The podcast tells the story of The Black Dahlia murder case and similar murders committed around the same time. If you’re into this kind of stuff, I would definitely check it out!

HollyWood & crime

 

How To Motivate Yourself To Do Literally Anything

Yes, you can motivate yourself to do anything. Literally anything.

I know that’s a lot of promise, but this technique works for me every. single. time.

 

What motivates us?

In short, humans are motivated by two things. Pleasure and pain. Between the two, I have found that pain (or discomfort as I like to say) works the best. You are more inclined to do something if you know something bad is going to happen when you don’t do the thing.

So how do I motivate myself?

To be able to motivate yourself through pain or discomfort, you have to create a situation for yourself where you have to make sure something not-so-fun will happen if you don’t do the thing. There are two ways in particular that I’ve found helped me.

Money: I did this one a lot in college, I would give my friend $20 and tell them to keep it for me until after I had done the thing (like writing a paper) and I had to do it within a specific time frame. If you KNOW you’re going to lose that money you’re much more inclined to go through the hassle of doing the thing you don’t want to do because you don’t want to lose that money, and every time I did this I WOULD get the thing done.
Peer pressure. I think peer pressure is an incredibly powerful thing that we should use to our advantage whenever we can. I will use peer pressure to motivate myself sometimes by tweeting a specific goal of mine, or by telling it to my friends. For example, a while back I tweeted that I wanted to post at least three videos and five blog posts a week. If I don’t, everyone can see that I failed this fairly simple goal, and nobody wants to be considered a failure, right?!

As I said in the beginning, pain isn’t the only motivator. Pleasure is also a motivator, by rewarding yourself for example. But I have found that rewarding myself doesn’t work unless I really want the reward. Usually you’re already quite comfortable and you have no problem to really go without the reward.

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Saving Money In Your Early 20s: 5 Tips To Get You Started

Saving money should absolutely be a priority in your 20s, but for many people it’s not. Around 45% of millennials aged 18 to 24 have as little as $0 in their savings account, or they don’t even have a savings account.

Saving money when you’re young is important, because one day you’ll want to buy that house, fancy car or even retire early. These strategies will help you get started with saving. Believe me, starting out is the hardest part, once you get going and you see that number grow every month, it becomes a bit addicting!

Send some of your paycheck directly to your savings account

If you have a fulltime job, it’s important to know how much money is going in and going out every month. Ideally, you will have some money left. Whatever is left can be put in two categories: ‘fun’ money and savings. Figure out how much you want to put into your savings every month, and set up a direct deposit, so it goes directly in your savings account.

Wait before making big purchases

Do you really need those $200 shoes? that $500 handbag? I know that voice in your head tells you to treat yoself, but it might be better to wait a little – even if it’s just 24 hours. I started doing this a while ago, and it has helped me a lot – I usually don’t even want the item anymore after a few hours.

Don’t cheap out on insurance

Wherever you are in the world, I believe you shouldn’t cheap out on insurance. It might suck to pay the monthly bills, but it sucks a lot more to pay for something out of the pocket when you need it. You never know when you will need that trip to the emergency room or you accidentally set your apartment on fire. Read More »